MADE SOME TURNIP GREENS THE OTHER NIGHT.

because i'm poor, i have no qualms about accepting charity. case in point, cassie said she found some turnip greens at the sunflower market in orem, and if you really know me, you also know i love turnip greens with just about everything i got. to me, there isn't much better than some greens with northern white beans and cornbread (yes, i use jiffy, fuck you). so i asked her if she wanted me to show her how to cook them right ( she was gonna saute them with butter or something. i know. heresy) and she said that she had plans that night but i could have them. and of course i accepted her generously charitable offer. she also let me use her stockpot.

here's some of the problems i encountered as i was cooking this shit up:
1. i didn't have an egg for the cornbread mix.
2. there ain't a damn ham hock in a 200 mile radius of my house. well, least none i know about.

here's how i solved said problems:
1. i talked april b. into letting me have one of her eggs (like chicken eggs, yall, not her personal ovary stash) with the promise of eating with me (who can actually resist my cooking? no one).
2. we found some pork neckbones at smiths. for like a dollar.

even though it wasn't fatback or a jowl or a ham hock it seemed to do the trick. i can't believe they don't sell salt pork around here. well, i take it back. i do believe it. buncha crackers runnin shit. (health food is dumb BTW, tho, the irony is, you can really only find greens at health food stores. wtf. i really miss "easy way produce". god bless you, barry carter).
so we got back and i already had the greens going, yes, without the neckbones in, and the house was starting to smell good. poor ned was going out of his mind. the trick with turnip greens, and i can't remember who i learned it from, possibly my great-grandmother, is to soak the greens in super cold water with a buncha sugar dumped in over the greens. not sure why this works, but it definitely makes them way less bitter. but not sweet. after they soak for a good hour or so you toss them in the pot, i always throw a bit more sugar on when i throw them in. now, if anyone in my family reads this next part i'm probably gonna get in some trouble, but, i like to dump a whole bunch of onion powder, garlic powder, salt, some butter, a tiny bit of black and crushed red pepper, and some celery flakes into the pot with the greens. i was kinda bummed because all i had was turnip greens and no curly mustards. thats always a good mix, also i didn't have any turnip to throw in, but hey, i'm not picky, this shit was free. this whole time april b was hanging out but had forgotten about some plans she had made, so she had to bail, good news for me, i get all them greens. once the greens had boiled down i started making the other stuff, open a can of white beans and make the cornbread. heat them beans up with a little water, salt and onion powder (can you tell i'm addicted?) and bring it to a slow boil. i'm not talking about the cornbread because its a box mix. you don't need me for that. but i do squirt in a good amount of honey in. after all this stuff was done i sat to eat. and filled myself up. twice. i wish i had more because it rules.
from my understanding of southern culinary traditions, this meal would constitute as "soul food". i'm not quite sure how to explain that concept to you, dear reader, except that if you don't like food like this, i probably don't like you.