sewer rat may taste like punkin pie, but i would never know

thats one of my favorite lines from pulp fiction. me and maggot watched pulp fiction and ate chips and salsa and drank mexican coke. earlier though, we went to las tarascas and i got a quesadilla with steak. it was ok. they need to learn how to season their steak. i had to salt it up and put some of their green salsa on it. before we went to las tarascas me and maggot attacked my house because i thought this kid was going to come look at it because lex is moving out. when i say attack, i mean clean. it was pretty disgusting. i'm usually never there so i don't pay much attention. but geez. it was pretty gross. while we cleaned i ate the remainders of my este pepperoni pizza. i think i'm gonna start spending more time at my house and like cleaning more because dave and lex don't. maggot came and got me from work, because work was dead as usual and i wasn't missed.
we pretty much were sitting around making jokes and throwing rubber band balls around the office and getting on each others nerves. i drew out a plan for alex caldieros luchadora mask. i haven't told him about my plan to make a band with him called master goomba and the dreaded gombu. so far its going to be a cover band. here are some of the songs i'd like to cover:
commanche
run through the jungle
the tequila song
constipation blues

i think that would be a good start and if i can get alex involved i'm sure it would devolve into some crazy orgy of noise and destruction. which is fine.

double right handed

so i rolled out of bed at around 11:00 today and did nothing til about 1:30. then i did some math homework then i went ona walk, then i ate the rest of a bag of salt and pepper kettle chips. then me and lex and dave and rob played black jack and pokers for about and hour or so then maggot came over. we went to the mall and hung out for a bit then she dropped me off and i went to vegor and errins for vegor mania 32. we watched vegors 5 disc collection of wrestle mania for his 32nd birthday. and ate costco pizza. i was skeptical about the costco pizza because i'd had it in the past and the pizza was kinda sauceless. this time at vegor mania, however, it was pretty saucy. i dug it. we also drank mtn dew. the beer drinkers had pabst and some homebrew bob brought. alex caldiero was there and was totally getting into and we told him we were going to make him a luchadora mask with a hole for his beard. he thought it was a winning idea. i think the mask should have a white background with green explosions around the eyes and red flames coming from the mouth, thus incorporating all the colors of the italian flag. imma get to work on it asap. after the main even with hulk hogan and mr. t. and mr. wonderful and rowdy roddy piper ( with the hulkster prevailing, of course) everyone left and i went to maggots house and we played friday the 13th on nintendo then watched trent harris' plan 10 from outer space.

he's a spitter, sir

so i had court again yesterday. like usual, i woke up too early and had lots of time to kill. i showered, shaved, and got ready. i decided i did not want to wear a suit. i didn't eat anything before i went in. i probably should have, but it turned out ok. the typical cast of orem 4th district court were present and accounted for and even a cameo appearance by one of the more depraved sort were in attendance, so the events of the day gave me enough energy to sustain myself til i could get some food. so i walk in and sit down and there was this guy wearing some sort of netted contraption on his head in the holding box. it had like a cloth thing around the bottom covering his mouth. i wondered if it was because he was sick. well i didn't think much about it other than he just looked kinda crazy. which was fine. i dig the crazies. there were the normal dui, unpaid fines, reviews and pre-trial stuff. there was one kid who got busted smoking weed in a park out of an apple core. the judge gave him shit about smoking weed in one of the most conspicuous places possible. and i concur. this ain't a big place. cops don't really have much to do here. and most citizens are more than happy to call them. why do you think they call it dope, dope. well the crazy guy with the face thing got called up and the judge asked if he had a health problem, to which the prosecutor nonchalantly called out, "no sir, he's a spitter", to which the judge responded with some incredulity; "a spitter? you spit on people? why do you spit on people? who did you spit on", and the prosecutor, the acme of nonchalance, responded, "um, a transportation officer and one of the officers here, sir", and the judge says "ok i'm not going to talk to you until you can learn how to not spit on people, so we're going to hold you for another day to see if you can get that thing off your head" to which mr.crazy responded, "i don't do that anymore judge", and the nonchalant proseutor fired back, "he spit on someone today, sir" and the judge, in his wisdom, says, "ok, take him out" and mr.crazy, of course is trying to convince the judge in the worst way that he does not spit at people anymore and that he doesn't do that sort of thing, and the judge keeps saying the court will hold him for as long as we need to, by this time the guy is up to two days in the hole and makes it out of the courtroom door into the holding cell where everyone gets to hear him shoot a few fuck yous and assholes at the cops and the judge, to which the judge replies "or, five days". i got a pretty good laugh out of it. i think the judge and the prosecutor thought it was funny too, ecause when the judge caught me laughing, he didn't say anthing. this was about the 4th or 5th time i've been busted laughing by the judge in court, and i guess if he had a problem with it he would have said something. i guess he was happy to have an audience, because i kept noticing him glancing at me anytime he said something sarcastic in court. like am i the only person who is entertained by court proceedings? anyway, i was the last person to go and i got a continuance, and after wards i stuck around a sec to ask the pub defender a question and before i could get his attention the judge went off record and the lawyers and the judge started talking about the crazy guy. i tried my hardest to not pay attention to what they were saying, but my mothers side of the family has taught me better. i think when you're privy to certain information its perfectly acceptable to be a fly on the wall and act like you have no idea you're privy. it turns out mr.crazy had decided to start throwing shit at the cops. like turds. out of his butt. and hit one of the cops in the face. it took everything i had not to pitch my head back and laugh at the top of my lungs, but i succeeded. i made a face that looked as if i was surprised any one in the criminal system would ever do such a thing. so after wards i went to school and got some lunch. by this time i was starving. i got a crappy chicken broccoli casserole thing and a salad at the cafeteria. along with a cherry 7-up. i love cherry 7-up. god bless the inventors of cherry flavored syrup. so i went to class and we talked about the dadas and their approach to technology. pretty cool discussion. then i went to work and played a game called ballon invasion for 3 hours straight. i then left work and got a sub sandwich that was soggy and lame. i did have some sour cream and cheddar chips though. can't lose with those. i was pretty beat from the the show the night before and it was only about 5:45 so i got a vanilla frappuchino to wake me up. didn't work. i wasted some more time online before i went to the dada cinema where we watched a few episodes of the 3 stooges. one of my favorite tv shows ever. i doubt there is an episode i haven't seen. i used to watch it daily when i was a kid and teenager. i'm glad alex showed these. i'm gonna start watching again. i went home and sat on the couch and watched tv and hung out with dave and lex for a bit then went to bed.

i hope you have a good nights sleep

thats what a giant polynesian guy said to the judge today in court. as he was being escorted out by the bailiff. he woudn't shut up and he kept going on and on about not having to pay a fine for having piles of garbage laying around his house for like a year. part of me wanted to say, yeah, let him have his piles of crap wherever he wants, it his property, but he got so annoying so quickly i was really hoping the bailiff would taze him to get him to shut up. at one point he even asked the judge to lend him some money to help pay the fine. finally the guy tarted to get visibly agitated and the bailiff moved in on him and started escorting him out and by this time he was telling the courtroom how he couldn't sleep at night and he wondered out loud how the judge slept at night and then started repeating, "judge i hope you can sleep at night, i hope you have a good nights sleep." so funny. me and jesse were sitting in the back cracking up, as were most other people. court in orem is pretty funny. i kinda wish i had a laugh track to go along with all the dumb asses that infest this place. the judge put one guy in time out in the jury box to think because he wouldn't tell the judge about his prior convictions. so funny. when i got up to the lectern i did the most sensible thing possible. pled guilty. just kidding, i pled not guilty. i think i was the most sensibly dressed, i was wearing some grey pants with a black v-neck sweater and a white shirt and a light blue tie (bradx says blue makes people trust you) and i was clean shaven (i know, right?) and i was the picture of innocence. they got nothin on this babyface. so afterwards i filled out the paperwork to get a public defender and then jesse dropped me off at school. as a result of mowing the hair off my face i got tons of predictably strange looks from classmates and professors alike. ok, i shaved, get over it, it will be back in a week. so on my way to the dada class i stopped at the teryaki stix and got myself a bowl of sweet and sour chicken. totally unsatisfying. i should have gotten the curry or the orange chicken. and it didn't really even fill me up, which is strange because usually one of those rice bowls there makes me so full i can't even think. after dada i wandered up to the office and hung out there for a bit with errin and vegor and then left when vegor left to go to work. i needed more food and no one would take me to costco to get a hot dog, and she knows who she is. so me and vegor rode the bus to the mall (he works at the woodbury gallery) and i stopped in at sbarro and got a slice of pizza (pepperoni, duh) and ate on that for a while til it was safely tucked away in my innards. i then made my way over to macys where i had my pimp-ass suit waiting for me. and glory, it was done! so i got them to wrap it up and i was off. i rode the bus to my house and hung out for a while with lex watching king of the hill and was hungry again. like for some reason i have been starving all damn day and no food has been able to satisfy me yet (insert satisfy me by the carbonas here). so i talked lex into walking over to gandalfos (we live like 2 blocks from the one in downtown provo) and i braved their reuben. it was actually pretty good. the marbled rye they used had caraway seeds in it so that kinda threw me off, but other than that it was pretty damn good. i don't remember it being as well made before. the corned beef they used was super tasty and it came as close to anything today to filling my voracious ass up. lex and i parted ways because i was headed back to school to watch a screening of modern times. man this is one of my new favs. i realy love this film. and i'm also in love with paulette goddard. i think very soon i want to work out some of the themes in this film with some of the themes in society of the spectacle, and some of deleuzes' ideas on lines of flight. chaplin is/was a genius. why hasn't anyone ever made me sit and watch this shit? i plan, very soon, on watching tons of chaplin. maybe all at once on a day or weekend when i have no commitments. at the screening (which is part of this dada class i'm taking) old man mike made popcorn and me and torben at most of it. yes, i was still hungry. i washed it down with a sunkist. i love sunkist. after the screening me and grabbo and torben chatted for a bit then i walked out to catch the bus. on the way home i decided to document my bus ride home. after watching modern times i was thinking about how important movement was to the film, not just the physical movement of the machines, but movement from place to place, movement from idea to idea, movement from poor to rich, homeless to indigence, movement from being human to being machine (or incorporation into machinery), the obvious theme of dynamism (cogs, labor struggles) and how we are supposed to interpret and adapt to change is completely subverted by chaplin throughout the film. the only times he is happy is when he's in jail or with "gamin" and at these points he's homeless and jobless (squatting doesn't count because you aren't paying for it, right?) and even in the "home" setting the house itself seems to reject chaplin, so he has to sleep in the woodshed to escape the risk of harm inflicted by the house, his adapting to this setting is very unorthodox, just like his form of adapting to work in a factory is a nervous breakdown. this is easy commentary, but i think it illustrates the underlying concept of movement by showing that expected types of adaptations aren't always productive and that certain elements within our structured environments need to be subverted in order to make them livable, which involve things like fleeing work or avoiding the happy home. so as i rode home on the bus i took out my camera and took pictures of passing cars and lights and people inside the bus. the photos themselves are meaningless until the idea of subverting our environment through different types of movement is considered. the photos don't make sense unless you pay attention to the movement documented. its hard to steady a camera on a bus. i loved seeing how the photos differed from what i experienced. the mechanical eye of the camera interprets motion much differently than my brain. lines turn into curves and curves blur across the screen making a mess of time and place. people are seen doing multiple actions or movements or expressions simultaneously. the bus driver smiles and frowns in the same second. a car, my hand and the giant left turn arrow are given equal footing though each inhabit separate spheres. i don't know if i actually subverted my environment, but the act of taking photos of the movement of lights and people and structures within the bus allowed me to experiment with the simultaneity of my surrounding space. after i got off the bus i walked over to maggots and i'm still friggin hungry.

party time

so i skipped math altogether yesterday. i decided i needed to read for my british lit class. i hate british lit. especially this one because its from the restoration period and 18th century. i don't think a more boring group of people ever walked the earth than the brits at that time. way to go you guys, really good stuff. i want to kill myself when i read it. the high point in this class so far is gulliver's travels, and my prof keeps ruining it for me. the even higher point will be when i give a totally unprepared oral presentation on the great plague of 1665. even more boring. if the brits were so damn wonderful at writing why didn't they use those great brains to figure out what the hell was killing over 100,000 of them? idiots. so after that class i usually go eat but i wasn't hungry because i had eaten one of the english muffin things (they call them willy muffins. i haven't referred to them as that so far because i hate actually having to go along with calling it such a stupid name) so i just went to the computer lab and wasted time online. mostly at the goner records message board:
http://www.goner-records.com/board/index.php?
so after that i went to the dada class and listened to alex caldiero try to answer all the questions posed by my less than astute classmates. its usually pretty entertaining to say the least. so i had a math midterm i needed to study for and after class i went to the cafeteria to study, but i kept seeing people i knew so i really didn't get any studying done. oh well. so i wandered downstairs to the lower level and bought a slice of freschetta pizza. what a waste of money that is. like the cheese was tasty and so were the pepperonis and the sauce, but the crust on that pizza is like 3 inches thick. plus its about 3.50 a slice. WTF. come on. it only costs about 3.50 for the whole damn pizza at the store. i think i may help dave take up his crusade against the tyranny of the uvsc dining services. i can understand paying 3.50 if it was hand thrown dough, but this crap is pretty unacceptable.
so i went and took my midterm and i think i did ok. its always pretty relieving to see one of my classmates taking the test at the same time as me, you know, like a section solidarity. it feels even better when i start after them and finish before them. it just might mean that i'm getting better at wasting my time with numbers.
so when i finished maggot came to pick me up and we went back to las tarascas to get a good dose of 110%. maggot got some gorditas that were stupid good. i got some carne asada tacos with beans and rice. good lawd was they good. they have like this lime cilantro type salsa that was slaying me. so i mixed a little in with the beans and rice and put some on the tacos. i was in 110% heaven man. i think i ate so much that a rib broke. because my ass was full. so after that i went to the mall to get the alterations and to pay for my suit. so pimp. and then alicia showed up and we wandered around for a bit. alicia hates the mall. i think its kinda funny. so after that we went over to jasie and annalisa and jendar's place to hang out for a bit. i guess they were having dessert and game night. there was some mad dr.mario playing going on. and people brought some tasty desserts that i was too full to eat. lame. after a while i did feel empty enough to eat some doughnut holes. then i got a ride home with carrie and there was a chocolate lab puppy in the car. chocolate labs rule.